A Visit From St. Retweeter

‘Twas the night before Christmas
And all thru the Twitter
Not a tweeter was tweeting
For they were so bitter

The tweets were all hung
On the timelines with care
In hope that St Retweeter
Soon would be there

The spouses were nestled
All snug in their beds
While visions of Facebook crap
Danced in their heads

And mamma on her tablet
And I on my phone
Had just settled our thumbs
To head into the zone

When down on my icons
Arose such big numbers
My notifications
Had ceased their long slumber

Away to my not. tab
I flew like a flash
Scrolled up from the bottom
And refreshed the cache

The stars on the tweets
That were there on screen
Gave a lustre of viral
That I’d never seen

When what to my wondering
Eyes did appear
But a miniature AVI
Of some woman’s rear?

With a retweeting finger
So lively and hearty
I knew in a moment
She must be Saint RT

More rapid than eagles
Her retweets they came
And the favorites among them
Gave taste of great fame

“Oh that one! And that too!
I don’t recall that tweet.
I must have been drunk…
Oh look, that one, too! Sweet!”

“From the top of my timeline,
To the tenth page of FavStar,
Retweet away, retweet away,

As subtweets before the
Wild Twitter war fly
When they meet with a troll
And @ something dry

So up her whole timeline
Her retweets they flew
With a trail of re-retweets
And favorites too

And then in a twinkling
I saw the gesture not hollow
Through the prancing and pawing
Of several new follows

As I went to my feed
And was looking around
Down my timeline
Saint Retweeter came with a bound

She was undressed in her selfies
From headshots to legs
And her tweets were all tarnished
With ennui and negs

From the bundle of tweets
She had pinned to the top
She looked like a powder keg
Ready to pop

Her eye selfies twinkled
Her dimples so filtered
And craft pictures signaled
She might be a quilter?

Her droll little @’s
Were scattered about
And the beard on her man-friend
Covered a sad kind of pout

The stump of a MT
She held tight in a tweet
And the @ it encircled
Her response with some heat

She was a broad with a face
And a little round belly
If you looked just behind her
You could see a small tele

She was chubby and plump
Her filters let through
And I smiled when I saw her
As I’m prone to do

A winking nice selfie
And a slight tilted head
Soon gave me to know
She ought to be wed

She @ not a word
But went straight to her work
And retweeted my timeline
Then stopped with her lurk

And tweeting a FF
Along side all of those
With that last mention
Up my timeline she rose

She sprang to DM
To my @ gave a whistle
And away she went
Like the down of a thistle

But I saw one last @
As she vanished from sight
“Happy Christmas to all
And to all a good night.”

I wrote this in real time over the course of a few hours this Christmas eve, and tweeted each stanza as I finished them. If you want to see the original tweets, just start at the end and scroll up.


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