Longing in situ

My whole life has been spent longing
Longing for a certain girl’s attention
Longing for a certain woman’s attention
Longing to have what I did not have

So I would strategize
Play out scenarios
Explore the solution space
Try to muster the courage to ask for what (whom) I wanted

And now I find myself in a puzzling place
A place where I have what I want
Yet the longing does not subside
I have her, yet I continue to long for her

When she goes away, as she did just now
The longing intensifies
Even if she hasn’t been away longer than every other day
It intensifies

I wonder if she loves me (she does)
I wonder if she wants me (she does)
I wonder why I wonder

But the strangest thing is the longing in situ
Where she is standing right there
Where she is in my arms
And I still long to have her, to have more of her

And she has nothing more to give
I’ve taken it all
And I feel for her
But I want more

“Ow,” she says
“You are squeezing too tight.”
And she means literally
But also metaphorically

So I work to please her
It consumes me
If I can bring her joy, and bliss, and contentment
Then she will have more to give

But it is folly
Because she has already given me everything
She is already mine
There is nothing else

I need to find contentment with longing in situ
Longing does not subside when you finally have what you always desired
Rather, it intensifies

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Longing in situ

  1. I’ve seen this in several couples I’ve worked with. It’s beautiful the way the feelings are worded here. Thank you for posting it.

    • Wow, thank you for reading it. I kind of thought this was my own weird thing, but I’ve heard from a few people that they feel it, too. Kind of nice to know it’s just part of the human condition.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s